Change is hard

Week 1 is completed at new job. Adjustment is the word of the week. I knew it would be hard to change jobs after 12 years, moving from a job where I was a pretty key player at a very small company where (sing it with me) everybody knows my name... hell more than knew my name, they knew the names of my kids, my husband, how I take my coffee (not that they ever got it for me), when I was PMS-ing, my favorite foods, my pet peeves, when I was really mad but trying to hide it, when I was really mad but not hiding it (ok, I guess that last one is not that impressive). So, it's hard to go from a level of extreme intimacy to being a very small, very anonymous fish in a very large pond.

And, of course, there is so much that sucks about staring a new job, any job - not knowing where the bathroom is (or once you do, not being able to remember the code for the door), riding the elevator and not being sure if it is filled with coworkers I have already met but cannot remember, feeling self conscious about the toboggan in my cubicle bc I cannot figure out where else to put it and I need it to bring Big & Little home from the daycare, feeling self conscious over - well - just about everything, being that annoying person who consumes the time of other people without giving anything back. Adding to the feeling of disconnect, I had a going away party at my old job at the end of this week and the stark contrast between how at home I feel with those people and how I feel in my new place was a little hard to take. Not to mention, my former co-workers gave me the best going away presents EVER: gum (bc I never have any and am always begging), chocolate (for obvious reasons), coffee flavored tea (bc they knew I would love the ridiculousness of it), a GARMIN watch for running (hello! After 25 years as a runner, I am going to know in real-time how fast and how far, I sense a new addiction), pyjamas (inside  joke too long to go into), a scarf (bc I am always cold), a framed picture of them on and on... As I write all of this I keep coming back to... WHY am did I leave? Seriously, why?

Anyway it'll be fine. It will be fine. Everyone has a hard time at their new job at first (unless the job is mattress tester and chocolate taster or treadmill verifier but enough about my fantasies). It WILL be fine and eventually, after a while, I am sure it will be more than fine. Eventually after a time, I know I will like this job and love the people I am working with. There are lots of positives about this job, I just need to learn, adjust and embrace the newness. But yeah, change is hard.

Running song of the week: Changes - David Bowie (I think)